I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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