uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
