I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
