I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
