Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
