we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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