Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
