And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
