He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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