There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
