Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
