Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
