I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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