Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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