operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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