I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
