I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I won the penis lottery.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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