I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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