He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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