I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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