Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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