Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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