Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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