I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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