I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize