So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
