I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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