how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
