I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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