You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
