I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
