the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
