Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
