Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
