its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm both gender and math confused
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize