Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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