i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
