Farmville is her only friend.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
