I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
