So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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