we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
