She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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