remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
