Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize