I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
