Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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