When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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