Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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