What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
