Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
