She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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