I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
