Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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