The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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