He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
