Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
