we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
