Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
