guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
