its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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