the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
