you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
