if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I pour the whiskey from now on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
