How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
